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Sunday, December 9, 2018

How to Survive a Dog's Death

It's incredible how a loveable furry four-legged friend can become an indispensable part of your life.

From waking up in the morning, following you around all day, conversations while cooking (on my part at least), to falling asleep at night...when they're gone you don't really realize how much you interacted until that constant leaves.

The first week was raw, in the sense that I simply could not talk about it or think about it without a giant hole tearing up my insides. I think that is a decent way to describe it. I threw myself into finishing the KonMari of my upstairs with help from the best parents in the world.
Unfortunately, the day after My Fluffy Alarm clock died, #leohusband got on a plane to finalize his overseas project. Getting through the week without my best friend was hard to put it mildly.

How to Survive a Dog's Death

I rearranged furniture. I hung new artwork. I donated office supplies. I cleaned out books. I evaluated what I actually wanted to devote my time to.

Then I ran out of steam. Honestly, I don't know how people do these KonMari marathons of cleaning. I think my emotions get the best of me holding everything and seeing 'if it sparks joy." Man, that's tiring ya'll.

I was already tired and stressed from Tiger's death, oh and my basal cell skin cancer surgery, and then it got infected...

Did I mention I was in the ER the night before Thanksgiving and Tiger died the day after Thanksgiving?

Worst Thanksgiving Ever!

This beats when I got my tonsils out when I was 21 on Thanksgiving. I thought that one was bad. Whew! That's life for you.
It's been 10 days and I only get the occasional pang when I expect him to be there. Take yesterday, I was making my Paleo Mac n Cheese and I literally said "Ooh Mommy's going to make her favorite quick meal" and then realized that he wasn't there. Sigh. I teared up and had a moment but then went back to my cooking.

I will say I did have to take a day a week later and really absorb his loss and what that meant. I allowed myself to feel the sadness. It was exactly one week after his death and it wasn't quite so raw. I was coming out of the numbness. The distractions needed to be set aside so I could focus on the grief in order to let it pass.

I know in the days, weeks, and months to come I will get moments of surprise sadness, and I will acknoweldge them, feel them, and then let them go. While I know it's ok to be sad, it's not ok to stay sad.

I am hopful we will meet again because where ever Tiger is, I want to be there too.

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