Using Your Love Language to Treat Yo Self

I recently retook the 5 Love Languages quiz from Dr. Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages. I've been at a crossroads in my life the last two years. I have drastically changed physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

It stands to reason that if I have changed, my love languages have also changed.  I wanted to see if this was true and sure enough, they had changed from receiving gifts to acts of service. I will say that words of affirmation still came in as second.

I wanted to retake the quiz because mainly I was trying to figure out why some things were bothering me at home.  

I have reached the point that I have my pain relatively under control, I'm doing positive things in life, I've come to terms with my situation, I'm stronger, I'm thinner, and have more energy.  I had to ask myself, why am I still cranky? frustrated? resentful? burned out from give, give, give?!?!

Well, my love language shifted and my needs were no longer being met.

According to Dr. Chapman, the Five Love Languages are Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch.

He defines each category below:

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Words of Affirmation
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Receiving Gifts
Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Physical Touch
This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

This got me thinking, if I was feeling resistance at home, even with self-care days, maybe my idea of "Treat Yo Self" should also be aligned with my love language?

Over the next 5 weeks, we are going to discuss how to "Treat Yo Self" based on your love language.  I will offer some targeted self-care suited to your personality.