How to Deal with Everything Going Wrong

May 2018 sucked.

I'm slowly getting over the disappointment, grief, and stress. Oh and did I mention knee and shoulder injuries that will take time to heal??? Time I don't have.

Why? Well, my PIC is absent.

#leohusband is working very hard and very far from home and while I have support from family and friends, I like my autonomy. Would all the INFJ's stand up! Truly, the days are easy, it's the nights that are rough.
My fluffy alarm clock, his life will be coming to a close soon. I am caring for my elderly dog who doesn't understand why we are not doing night walks. It's 10:20 pm and it still feels like it's 92 with 70% humidity. Texas is not for the weak y'all. However, it's definitely not weather for 100 lb, elderly Golden Retrievers wearing fur coats.
Every night is a battle royale of wills, me against a stubborn old man who thinks he can walk the entire block in this heat.

Short of having my parents move in with me until #leohusband is done, which it may come to that soon, I foresee my health taking a drastic backslide because it already has.

I keep messing up my left arm.

Just when the pain goes away I move it in a weird way or hell, I even slept on it last night. Big mistake. I've heard it can take months to heal a shoulder injury. Months as in 6-9 months. I just can't catch a break. Even typing this right now, my shoulder doesn't know if it wants to relax or tense up.

These walk "fights" with Big Fluffy are just making my knees worse and I have only 1 knee brace so I keep switching it back and forth like an idiot.

I'm also trying to at least keep up with some yoga. I can't let all my hard work go to waste especially since muscle death is a real problem with Adhesive Arachnoiditis. However, so far I've only managed to do one day of yoga a week. At, least I'm beating that average so far this week with yoga on Monday and I did restorative today.

Last and not least, #leohusband and I donated our embryos to scientific research. So I have been grieving the loss of motherhood, what could have been, and what will never come to pass. To say that it has been difficult would be putting it mildly.

Two good things got accomplished in May.

I sucked it up and finally filled out the paperwork to get checked for Ehlers Danlos or EDS. After hurting my left shoulder (bursitis and tendonitis) and my knees in yoga class-- all due to my hypermobility, I knew it was time.

Again there is no treatment and no cure but hey, just something else to start being aware of. I was accepted as a candidate but the wait list for an appointment is a year and a half. Hopefully, I won't f-up anything else on my body in that time.

I finally got my major hormone panel test completed. A thirty-day hormone evaluation. It was cumbersome and tiring but not as bad as the rest of my May 2018.

So how did I deal?

1. I played a lot of Xbox.

I got really into #leohubands copy of Dragon Age Inquisition.

I know that video games get a bad rep but I am a fully formed adult so my mental development is already complete.

If you have never tried video games I suggest doing what #leohusband did with me, he used Minecraft as my gateway drug.  I loved Minecraft.  You got to fight bad guys and make stuff. It helped me learn to use the Xbox controller. Then we progressed to the Lego games and Portal, and the next thing I knew I was playing Gears of War and Skyrim.

2. I stocked up on Sun Baskets and Paleo Treats

I am an emotional eater. I just am so I went ahead and got some Paleo treats and made some as well. I placed a Sun Basket order so I would have meals planned and the food for them. I placed a huge Thrive Market order to be ready.

This way I had things to turn to and didn't feel bad if I "binged" a little. Note that even though everything I got was Paleo - eating Paleo cookies every day is not good behavior so I definitely need to knock that off soon.

According to my #breadwinnerbff or #bwbff, I should focus on eating one clean meal at a time, which ironically I told her a couple of months ago.
3. I slept in when I could

I think that when we are going through emotional adjustments the tiredness level is just a bit higher than normal.

It seemed that I had excessive tiredness. It doesn't help that I do not sleep well when #leohusband is gone. I had to psyche myself up to do daily chores and with things going wrong at the drop of a hat I never got to do the things I wanted to do - like refinish a cabinet, plant my herb garden, or start selling my excess crap on eBay.

Not doing the fun things seemed to just add to my tiredness.

I started sleeping in and tried to not beat myself up about it. There were definitely convos in the mirror about how I was not going to feel guilty about sleeping in.

So that's How to Deal with Everything Going Wrong or at least my version of it.

There was also lots of anger and tears and me laying on the couch for days trying to find the motivation but eventually, I got up. I'm having to power through right now while I figure out how to handle Fluffy's health and #leohusband working on the other side of the world. As #bwbff said today, "Things are going to change, or things will change."

So true. This is a season and eventually, #leohusband will be back and I'll get back my motivation.